Friday, October 22, 2004

Me a tool? That's unpossible!

It takes a certain kind of person to wear a “Bush Lies” t-shirt. More specifically, it takes an abrasively ignorant person with little care for how they are perceived by others.

I saw one of these “Bush Lies” quislings today. She had that downtrodden, oppressed scowl that leftists wear in public, that just screams “I may be oppressed and downtrodden, but I can still scowl—that, comrade, will never be taken away from me by the Chimperor Bushalliburton IV.”

I wish I could see more people like this. There hyperbolic assumption of the mantle of oppressed revolutionary is hilariously ironic given their nonsupport and downright hostility toward the grand project of freedom and democracy being unveiled in the MidEast. Their sullen, nobody-understands-me-they’re-all-just-a-bunch-of-sheeple-it’s-Bush’s-fault-I-can’t-get-a-date demeanor always brightens my day.

This particular “Bush Lies” lass was no exception. As she passed me I avoided eye contact because rumor has it that if you look into their wild eyes you become one of them. And when she was right beside me, she hissed vituperatively “You’re such a tool.”

She didn’t specify what type of tool – tool of capitalist oppression, tool of American Imperialism, tool of Republican bigotry, hammer, etc – but I still nearly died laughing. There is something about being insulted by a scowling, obviously troubled, stranger that really made my day.

My columns have even been relatively inoffensive so far, especially compared to the blitzkrieg of columns that I have planned for the next three weeks. It’ll be a trifecta: oppression, violence and bigotry, with a dollop of patriotism questioning and ad hominems added to taste.

I hope to transcend tool status and make my way into obscenities. From there, is physical assault wishful thinking?


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