Monday, October 25, 2004

Phyllis Bennis--Hive Queen of the Moonbats

Wow, what a night! Next time I promise not to blog, I’m going to make sure that there’s not a Lou Douglas Lecture scheduled.

Phyllis Bennis, moonbat extraordinaire, gave her wonderful lecture “Challenges to Empire: Iraq the UN.”

I had my Lou Douglas Bingo Card ready to go. Free space: Bushitler. Even if they don't say it, you know their thinking it.

7:10 – speech starts.

7:14 – calls USA dangerously unilateralist. Check. Off to a good start.

7:15 – accuses America of war crimes because we waged a war of aggression. Two in a row in the first five minutes!

7:18 – My oceanography professor is here, staring avidly forward in the third row. Man, I’ll never look at him the same way again. That is, with a secret lust that cannot be spoken.

7:23 – Toolina is here, bless her tooly little heart! But where’s her “Bush Lies” shirt? The election is fast approaching, its time to up the rotation on that baby! When she oppressed her self with clothes this morning, she must’ve decided to go with urban anarchist chic instead. And, oh yeah, does it work for her! Still scowling, though. Don’t worry, sweet Toolina, the Bushalliburton oil-igarchy will be deposed November 2! Revolucion! Hey, I’ve seen the girl Toolina is sitting by before. I saw her in the library. Why do I remember this? Because she was making out with another girl. In the library. I’ll never look at you the same way again, Toolina.

7:24 – Drinks deeply from the cup of moral equivalency. Check. S'bout time.

7:27 – “Coalition of the coerced.” Check

7:28 – 7:30: Short break to hose spittle off podium. Man, is that thing glistening!

7:32 – Smashes fruit in front of audience. “American Empire will be crushed like this overripe watermelon! ULULULULULU!”

7:34 – Shrieks, “Death to AmeriKKKa!!!!” and rips off shirt. Gasps of horror ripple through the audience, but, thank God, she was wearing a suicide vest underneath it, so no flesh made its way through. Crowd relieved. Immensely.

7:37 – Bushitler is destroying our democracy. The guy next to me screams “Bingo!” Bennis informs him were playing four corners, because “straight lines are oppressive to the gay community.” Man curses; blames the Jews.

7: 39 – Devours flaming Bush effigy.

7:43 – Still no mention of Fox News. I look around confused. This is a Lou Douglas Lecture, right?

7:50 – She say’s we should learn from Spain! “Appease, appease, aplease don’t attack us anymore!”

7:52 – Speech ends.

7:54 -- For’ner next to me tries to make idle chat. Evil, leftist idle chat. He remarks about the high price of gasoline, and American Empire. I point out that we must not be a very good empire since we aren’t yet bathing in oil and wiping our asses with Renoirs. Well, that’s not exactly what I said, but that’s the gist of it.

8:00 – Q and A! My favorite part of any Lou Douglas lecture. Who’s going to ask the “Indian genocide” question, I wonder to myself, looking around. Toolina? Possibly, but she looks more like a scowler than an asker.

8:10 – Jonas Hogg, fellow Collegianaire asks lucid question about the legitimacy of the UN, mentioning that Kofi Annan is personally involved in the Oil For Peace UNSCANDAL. Phyllis, eager to flaunt her ability to will away discomforting truths says that this is not true, it’s his son that’s involved, and even this isn’t true. Kofi’s not involved? I mean, do you even read the news, or are your lungs just a reservoir of knowledge and truth?

8:23 – Halliburton! Mentioned only in passing, and along with a cadre of other EEEVIL big business. You know, one of those EEEVIL big businesses that employ thousands of US citizens, pay lucratively and are helping rebuild Iraq.

8:30 – Ends. GAAAH! One Fox News bash, or a “Democracy can’t be imposed by force” and I would have had a Bingo! The questions were disappointing; the silent genocide of the Indians shall continue! You have failed Q and A’rs!

Final Statistics:

Number of times Phyllis…

…declared solidarity with the “glorious people’s insurgency” and vowed to give her life for the Iraqi fatherland: 13

…referred to Bush as a “hegemonic, oil-stained murder monkey”: 731

…looked heavenward and invoked the divine will of Allah: 7

… referenced the Duelfer report: 43. Which was agonizing, because she pronounced it “Daooooueeeaaaauuuulfooor” not to mention totally misrepresenting its conclusions.

…referred to Iraq’s “So-called sovereignty”: 91. Assuage your guilty conscience Bennis. Assuage it.

…accused Bush administration of “scaring” people into war: 657,569

…accused Bush of “lying”: approaching infinite.

All in all I was not disappointed; her speech was the furthest left of all the Lou Douglas lectures thus far, which earns her a pretty elite place in the pantheon of moonbat-ery. That’s why I go to Lou Douglas lectures; to observe the febrile rantings of an elite perpetually slighted by a man they consider to be less intelligent than a pet rock.

There’s no way I can even begin to refute/remember all the steaming tripe she served up to the eager leftist audience, but a few stand-out in my mind.

She highlighted this story, about explosives that, supposedly, the Bush team failed to secure during the post-war phase. But she was wrong, although, in fairness this is a recent development.

She also mentioned the infamous 16 words lie—unbe-friggin-lievable! Not only has this story been proved true, but it was true in the first place! The sixteen words: The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa. The British government had learned this. Many within the US intelligence community didn’t believe this, which is why they attributed it to British intelligence.

Bennis mockingly pointed out that we invaded Iraq—a country without WMD-- while we left the Norks—who have WMD--alone. “NO SHIITE!,” I thought loudly. That was the point of preemptive war, to get the bad guys before they get WMD. Once they have ‘em, we pretty much gotta play their game. Phyllis Bennis is Director of the New Internationalism Program of the Institute for Policy Studies in Washington D.C. (Not only is this scary, but its ironic. The only internationalism Bennis believes in is bowing to the UN and having America hand out trillion’s for abortions in Africa, while apologizing for having such tasty, nonfatal water and enjoyable culture.)

I also realized another tactic that liberals use to justify their nonsupport of the most liberal endeavor of our lifetime (the Iraq and Afghanistan wars): they simply deny that the people are better off, despite all logic. Try as I might, I don't think I can refute this.

She also based her claim to the war’s supposed immorality based on its lacking the sanction of international law as well as the imprimatur of the UN. Well, you could make a case, a compelling case, that we did have the sanction of international law, since 1441 promised dire consequences if Saddam didn’t cooperate (and he didn’t), not to mention Saddam’s repeatedly violating the Gulf War I ceasefire, an apparent casus belli.

But that’s beside the point. Her legalistic approach fails because if the law is unjust, then anything stemming from that law will also be unjust. Following her law would’ve left Kosovo to the dogs. Also, if Hitler would’ve refrained from territorial aggression, this international law would’ve allowed the Holocaust. I find Bennis’ use of the law to impute morality or immorality on an action to be a cold, semantic last resort to justify her illiberal attitudes.

To rephrase one of Samuel Johnson’s famous quotes: the law is the last refuge of scoundrels.

update: fixed link

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