Tuesday, November 02, 2004

I, for one, welcome our new Monkey overlords

Via drudge:

Children bitten by blood-sucking monkeys at temple:

GUWAHATI, India: Monkeys lurking at an ancient Hindu temple in India's northeast have attacked up to 300 children over three weeks, temple officials said yesterday.

"They hide in trees and swoop on unsuspecting children loitering about in the temple premises or walking by, clawing them and even sucking a bit of blood," Bani Kumar Sharma, a priest at the Kamakhya temple in Assam state, said. The temple, one of the most famous in India, is located in Guwahati, Assam's capital.

"I was returning home from school when a monkey suddenly pounced on me, scratched my head and hand and pushed me to the ground," said Jolly Sharma, a six-year-old girl.

At least 2,000 rhesus monkeys roam in and around the temple, but none had shown aggressive behaviour in the past, the priest said. While occasional attacks by monkeys are not uncommon at temples, the sudden surge in attacks at the temple has experts perplexed.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “God Bless America, and her beautiful, monkey free shores.” What’s with this anyways? You think after the first 299 kids got bit, they might think about calling in the Terminix guy or something.

This also raises the interesting question: should we nuke India now, or after the zombie plague has already spread over much of the subcontinent? I say now, but then again I've always been a soft touch when it comes to nuclear holocausts.

Another question is who does this November Surprise help? Well, one school of thought says that this will just remind the people that Bush took his eye of the monkey by waging an unrelated spider war in Iraq.

Another school of thought says that this just reminds people that there are still threats out there, and that the flip flopper Kerry cannot be trusted. This school of thought then pushed down the first school of thought and kicked sand in its eyes, yelling "nah nah nah nah nah, wheres the UN now?"


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