Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Our friends, the Iranians

The Iranians make peaceful overtures!

"The presence of observers from the Islamic republic of Iran, the most democratic regime in the world, is necessary to guarantee the smooth running of the American elections," pontificated Saeed Toutunchian, a Bassij spokesman.
Golly gee, that was a nice offer guys! We’ll respond in kind; in the next few years we'll send in our army to oversee your guys elections! (And to kill your leaders and shatter the backbone of your oppressive theocracy.) No, really, its our pleasure!

And speaking of Iran, some of our friends at the UN (specifically the IAEA, led by EL Baradei, the man that tried to influence a US election) find nussing, NUSSING!, wrong with the Iranian's nuclear program:

“ElBaradei plans to say in his November report on Iran that the agency has so far found no evidence of diversion (to a nuclear weapons programme),” a diplomat who follows the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) probe told Reuters.

[…]

Diplomats said ElBaradei had told the Iranians he would be able to pen a positive report if there was a constructive atmosphere in their talks on Friday with European counterparts who want Tehran to freeze its enrichment programme.

[…]

Several diplomats said a statement that there was no hard proof of diversion would remove a key legal ground for reporting Iran to the Security Council but would not make it impossible.

Meanwhile, we get this from the peace-loving Iranians, who have no intent of using their nuclear program for weaponry:
To shouts of "Death to America," Iran's parliament unanimously approved the outline of a bill Sunday that would require the government to resume uranium enrichment, legislation likely to deepen an international dispute over Iran's nuclear activities.
Me: Hey, UN, um, you might want to look into this. Death to America? Yeah, I know they throw "Death to America" around like a teenager with the word "like"... but still?

UN: Well, to be fair to our Iranian brothers, they haven’t actually killed America yet. The most we can do is turn our back on them and listen intently. Oh, and how we will listen. It would just be so... "preemptive" of us to co-opt the peaceful Iranians plans of building nuclear weapons. For all we know, they could be using them for legitimate purposes, like cementing their power of their own oppressed populace or nuking the racist state of Israel (may it be pushed into the sea). Or maybe they’re just overcompensating. Who knows? Let’s not be hasty here.

UN: But, really, when you guys are almost dead, don’t hesitate, just come right up to the UN and we’ll see if we can’t make an appointment to schedule a hearing to raise a motion about having a hearing to consider proposals about convening a session to discuss if we should have a vote to schedule a hearing appointment session schedule to discuss whether we should pass sanctions on the Iranian shrimp Industry. We’ve got your back, dog. That's what we're here for.

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