Thursday, November 18, 2004

Recycle, Reuse and Regurgitate

It's really not healthy to blog at the expense sleep, especially when I should be studying at the expense of sleep.

So no time for much in the way of posting tonight. Instead, I'm going to reproduce a fisking of a letter to the editor (referenced in my column today) from last year. I did it at the time as a reason to put off studying for finals, so now I thought I would just regurgitate it.

The letter to the editor was written in response to this column, celebrating the death of Hamas leader and terrorist mastermind, Yassin Ahmed (may he rest in pieces) from Israeli Hellfire missiles . The fisking starts off a little slow, but it works up to a nice crescendo I think.

Anyways, the fisking:

Editor,

Last Thursday's column by Grant Reichert was the most tasteless piece of racial and religious insensitivity I have read in a long time.
Well, he’s literate, he passes the first requirement for Collegian publication. And, yes, I should admit up front, I am very insensitive to those that would hijack a religion to suit their murderous ideology. And Ay-rabs. I hates me some Ay-rabs.

And, yeah, I do think racial and religious insensitivity are funny, even if I don’t exactly see how my column was either.

Perhaps it was intended as an April Fool's effort? It is April for sure,
Well, the man can identify what month it was, he passes the second requirement for publication. We've got a live one here!

and Reichert is acting like a fool.
And in the context of a humorous column? Why I never! Next up, “Warren Sap acts like a jock on football field! Professor surprised, outraged.”

However, there is nothing funny about people being blown up by missles [sic].
Heh, heh blown up by missiles. Sorry… erm, what were you saying? Was it something stupid? I ask, because most people that are offended by columns that make fun of terrorists usually rank in the “Lead Weight” category of IQ. Wait, I shouldn’t make fun of you for being stupid… what if you really are stupid? That would just be embarrassing.

And mocking the Koran shows extreme insensitivity to the sacred writings of a religion other than the dominant one in the United States. I doubt many persons in wheelchairs find it funny, either.
How dare you make sweeping assumptions about people in wheelchairs! Contrary to your bigoted opinion, some people in wheelchairs have senses of humor, and don’t have a natural feeling of solidarity with wheelchair-bound people who happen to be terrorists. Not all people in wheelchairs think the same, comprehende?

I was talking about a specific person in a wheelchair, and you come in here with your sweeping, offensive categorizations, knocking over my vases and scuffing up my walls. Have you no shame?

If you don't have a hundred complaint letters on this subject, it is only because
… you got tired after writing the first one?

…most people who share your opinions are illiterate?

… less than 100 people read the collegian?

… you hold such an asinine opinion that only people going through severe Vicodin withdrawal would share it?



you are picking on a minority so small it can't muster that kind of upport.
I see. Good luck with the methadone treatment. Yes, I admit, I always pick the smallest minorities to pick on so that they can’t adequately fight back. And it turns out that the minority I picked on this time – wheelchair-bound founders of Hamas – just got a whole lot smaller.

Boom, baby. How’s life as a crater, Yassin? For once in your life, you truly are – bad pun alert – “holy.”

That is the lowest, cheapest kind of humor that can be devised.
Yes, I totally agree! Petition the Collegian to raise my salary so I can afford to put better humor in my columns! Or else I’m gonna break out the knock-knock jokes. And you wouldn’t like me when I do knock knock jokes.


Evidently, the Collegian hasn't gotten around to that point in its diversity training sessions.
No, the part about not rejoicing at the death of terrorists must be at next weeks meeting. I’ll be sure to go, as long as we don’t have to hold hands and share our “special experiences” with terrorism.


Ask yourself the question, "How would I feel if this were my father who had just been blown to bits?"
If my father had just been blown to bits, chances are I would want to blow to bits whoever did it. And since Yassin was the co-founder of Hamas, a group that specializes in blowing innocent people to bits, I would probably be doubly ready to make fun of him, if not go after him myself with a shoulder mounted missile launcher.

Wait a minute… I get it now. You’re threatening my father aren’t you! I have forwarded this to the FBI. John Ashcroft’s stormtroopers should be at your house any minute now. Don’t go without a fight. Resistance by you will be futile, but a helluvalotta fun to watch. You sound like a slapper.
Or, "Would I talk that way about my mother?"
What did you say about my mother? Now your bringing her into this? Anyway, how is this relevant? If Bin Laden was my mom, does that mean I shouldn’t talk smack about him...er, her? Once again, Yassin was the CO-FOUNDER OF HAMAS. Mom or not, he deserved to be blown up, and I deserve to heap scorn and ridicule on his smoking ruins. Heh heh, blown up.
You get the idea. Time to grow up.
Actually, now I do get the idea. The only question I have for you is are you an asshatted moral relativist with latent terrorist sympathies, or are you just an ignorant Biochemistry professor that enjoys responding with mock outrage to humorous columns?

[name deleted]
Professor of Biochemistry
Well, I guess that answers that question.

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