Sunday, December 12, 2004

Freedom of Expression, exposed

Today’s clothing optional news story is brought to you by Bennington College, where the slogan “real beauty is on the inside” is daily disproved:

Students have long enjoyed an informal policy allowing them to go naked on campus. Whether it was as a topless sunbather lounging on the lawn or students running naked at an annual bonfire party, college officials turned a blind eye.

But when a student strolled around campus naked this summer during an orientation session when parents were visiting campus, the new dean reprimanded him.

The students reaction: “First, you can’t tell me what to do, man, because the emancipation proclamation, like, ended slavery. Second, I’m naked? That last tab of acid must’ve been a wee bit more powerful than I suspected. Live and learn, dude. That's what college is all about. That and nudity.”

More than 200 students, a few of them naked, marched across campus in October to protest against what they saw as a crackdown [shouldn’t it be a “crackup” or a “crackconcealment”?] by the administration on freedom of expression.
Freedom of expression? What exactly are they trying to say by being naked, besides “I’m naked!” or “Yeah, It’s that cold out here?" I shouldn’t bash the students, though. If they truly believe that nudity is a form of expression, then “I’m naked” is likely to be the most profound statement they will ever make, with the possible exception of “Would you like fries with that, dude? I mean, really, like, deep down in your essence, man. Fries?”

While the impending onset of the New England winter has put a temporary pause to the dispute, students are preparing for a springtime assault.
Thank the Lord for winter. It has always been natures way of thinning out the weak and mentally deficient. Without its seasonal culling of the moonbat flocks, we would surely be overrun.

The article continues later:

But Graves has drawn the line at being naked.

"Bennington College is not a clothing-optional campus and we don't live in a clothing-optional society," Graves told Reuters, adding he realized he had "ruffled some feathers" by going after unclothed campus denizens.

"There is not a nudity policy and we don't condone this behavior. We are a public campus," he said. "There has to be a level of respect here."

Respect has nothing to do with it, countered sophomore Allison Zoll. As someone who has taken part in events with the college's nude activities club, which hosts clothing-optional picnics and outdoor games, Zoll was adamant that there was nothing wrong with going bare.

"It's not hurting anyone," she said.

Oh, but Allison, it does hurt. It hurts our eyes. Makes them burn and itch and leak this yellow, viscous pus profusely.

I mean, Allison, you really brought a lot of cottage cheese to the last picnic, you know, if you get my drift. Real beauty is on the inside, Allison, so keep it on the inside.

But really, what is wrong with nudity? After all, freedom of expression is vital for a vibrant campus life, no? Now matter how much might you disagree with someone else’s views, you have to tolerate them. Okay, I think that’s enough set-up. Bring on the irony:

Universities may bar military recruiters from their campuses without risking the loss of federal money, a federal appeals court in Philadelphia ruled today.

The suit was brought by an association of law schools and a group representing hundreds of legal scholars seeking to help universities and colleges that want to keep military recruiters off their campuses because they object to the Defense Department's policy of excluding gay men and lesbians from military service.

Cue Bart Simpson: the ironing is delicious!

A summary of freedom of expression, as seen from an Ivory Tower:

Nudity? Kosher. It’s freedom of expression, man, so back off with your fascist boxers and those patriarchal tools of oppression known as “socks.” The body, it’s a beautiful thing, man. Except for the computer science majors. I mean, geez, sunlight is your friend, dude. Or dudette. I really can’t tell, with them.

Military recruiting? How dare you even mention that here! The GLBTQSGH5L community won’t even be able to attend classes for the next week, at least. They’re going to go into the Chrismahanakwanzika break all distraught and such. Just because you have freedom of speech doesn’t mean you can say stuff that might hurt someone’s feelings. Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words, man, they cut deep.

"Now every academic institution in the country is free to follow their consciences and their nondiscrimination policies," Mr. Rosenkranz said. "Enlightened institutions have a First Amendment right to exclude bigots. In a free society, the government cannot co-opt private institutions to issue the government's message."
Okay, that one's a doozy. Let’s run that through the TP machine. It cleans off all the BS, and sends out a euphemism-free product. Here we go; here’s the same quote, de-BSed:

Okay, just wow. That pretty much took out that quote. Here, let me just hand polish the quote a little bit. Here’s the same quote, slightly de-BSed.
"Now every academic institution in the country is free to restrict the speech that they don’t like,” Mr. Rosenkranz said. “Enlightened institutions have a First Amendment right to smear certain people we disagree with as bigots, and then violate their First Amendment rights accordingly. In a free society, private institutions should be able to suck freely off the government teat without having to worry about bothersome free speech from groups within the government. Especially the army, those fascist Nazihitlers. Why, if it weren't for them, we'd be ruled by the Germans today, not the fourth Reich of Fuhrer Smirky McBushitler.”
update: Hmm... maybe if the Military recruiters were to go "commando" they could infiltrate into College campuses, disguised with their own nakedness. And universities can't just stop military people from celebrating their nakedness. Freedom of expression and such. It would be discrimation to pick on the naked in the military, just because of their occupation. Discrimination.


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