Saturday, July 15, 2006

The Daily Mail: "Superman star has tantrum after make-up made him look 'wimpy'"

"Basically there was a problem with the shade of his tinted moisturiser - it was slightly lighter than his natural skin tone

Okay, that's an understandable problem. Some Hollywood make-up artist prissyed him all up and, the symbol of manly virility he is, the Man of Steel had to take drastic action to re-assert his challenged, testosterone-drenched MANLINESS. So, what'd he do? Kill the make-up artist with a spear fashioned from a nearby table leg, and then drink hydraulic oil from his hollowed out skull? Challenge a random stranger to a longsword fight amid sprawling, medieval ruins? Juggle rhinocerii? No--

- so he asked for an expensive fake tan moisturiser to be used instead.

"A waterproof, gradual build one which develops over time was eventually found and has given him a natural, all-over golden glow.

Natural, all-over golden glow? How is glowing gold "natural"? Have you ever seen a glowing, gold person you would classify as natural? Scratch that--have you ever seen a man cover himself in glowing gold make-up, thus hoping to evade the perception of 'wimpiness', that you would call natural?

Here's a cover-blurb for the inevitable DVD release of Superman: "I am officially travelling back in time to prevent myself from seeing this movie. Screw Ebert, there's only room in this time machine for one."

Nothing can stop me--except future me.


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